Sunday, July 18, 2010

Qualities of a life time partner

God tells us in his word
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 2 Cor 6:14

I once was married to my best friend, we grew up in church, worshipped together, and went to camp together.  We had a great marriage.  Does marrying a Christian mean that marriage will last forever, no? But, does it mean it has a better chance then most, yes.  Although I divorced my best friend over 20 years ago because of his infidelity, we still respect each other in ways that many who are married or in a relationship do not.  He acknowledged his disrespect and I truly believe that because our parents planted the seed of God in each of us, we were able to move forward and respect each others future. 

I listen to countless of couples complain about the lack of respect they receive from their partners.  The name calling, the storming out of the house in the middle of a discussion, belittling them and so much more.  My mouth dropped when a close friend of mine told me that her husband called her a bitch (excuse me for writing it, but I want to be real here).  I hear about couples separating over 50 times in a year!!! This is ridiculous, I just cannot comprehend how anyone male or female would allow this type of behavior.  Allow? Oh you may say "I don't allow it!" but you do!!! I believe in second chances because by far am I not perfect.  I gave my marriage a chance after I found out about his infidelity, but when I saw that it was not going to stop, I filed for divorce.  Infidelity can be forgiven and a couple can save their marriage with God and counseling.  But if nothing is done through God and you just try again, it's not going to change. 

If your being called names, made fun of, belittled by your partner and finding yourself in and out of a relationship, something is wrong.  Sometimes men and women with low self-esteem or confidence seem to gravitate towards making poor dating choices.  They seek fixer uppers because they feel they are not worthy of a good person because of past issues in their life.  Some seek just the attention of anyone just to feel loved or to belong to the status of "being in a relationship".  God wants us to be in a good healthy relationship or marriage.  But before that relationship can happen, we need to happy with ourselves, our spirituality and live up to our beliefs, standards and expectations. 
I have been in only one relationship since my divorce and that man was not a Christian, it turned into a friendship instead.  Some say I'm too picky, no... I just have expectations and standards that I will not compromise for anyone.  Will someone one day meet this criteria? If God wants, yes.  But I am happy, I'm not miserable with any man belittling me, calling me names, cheating on me, I am worth more...and you are worth more. 

What are some qualities of a life partner?

Hmmmmn?

First and foremost is that he/she should be a believer of Christ. Not just say "I'm a Christian" but be a person who seeks out the Lord through worship, study, behavior and serving God.

Show respect for himself, others and God. This person should treat you and others with dignity, and respect. Does this person respect the law, community members, can they follow rules. If they can't do this, surely no law will exist in your home.

Be committed to wait until marriage for sex. Many will say "I'll wait with you" but the fact is that unless they recently became born again, this is a tribute that they should have had in their life way before you came along. This isn't something they should abide with only to satisfy your value.
Hold a wise tongue. A person should not lash out verbal abuse to you or anyone, should not enjoy engaging in gossip or belittling, vulgar language or behavior. If they can display any of this while in courtship, you can bet it will be a daily issue in your married life.

Be honest and truthful. If they can lie to you about what they think is "really nothing" then guaranteed the lies after marriage can grow bigger.

Be accepting. We all have our issues or a past. Can this person accept what can and cannot be changed for some situations. Can they compromise and understand with respect. Can they accept children and family from a previous marriage.

Trust in the Lord and live life with God as the center and happiness is sure to come.

Dear Lord,

Relationships are not easy, but give us the wisdom to realize that if we put you first in our lives only then can we reap a harvest of bountiful love in all areas of our life.  Help those that are in relationships that are hurting their self respect and family.  I know you want us to be committed in our marriages, but I also know that after all prayer and change done possibly through your word, you also do not want us to be a doormat in a marriage.  No one should be called ugly names or be physically and mentally abused, we are all your children and demand respect.  Help those that are not married, to realize the importance of what a good partner is and that no one should have to lower their standards or beliefs to please anyone.  Give those in pain right now the strength to stand up and reach for you because only then can we triumph in all areas of our life. 

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